Deka Lake Dispatches

CHRISTMAS

I love Christmas.  I love the lights, I love food, I love the cold, I love the smiles, I love the stories, I love the movies, I love the shopping....I love Christmas.  Even as a child with little money in the family, Christmas was celebrated at many levels with family always at the top.  Candlelight Service was the last Sunday in Advent with one of the younger kids singing Morning Star, the massive tree in the Moravian Church all lit and decorated, candles being handed out to everyone, the Church glowing in candlight, the choir singing...There was the Pageant on Christmas Eve with the kids all doing some sort of play or recitation, paper bags of nuts and oranges given out to the children, carol singing, giggling and so much excitement; and then off to the Grandparents for our *special* gifts (always new jammies or nighties that we would wear that night to bed), more singing and oranges and chocolates and hard candy that was all stuck together in a kalaidescope ball and aunts and uncles and moms and dads and cousins and brothers and sisters, tree lights and it seemed so magical at the time.  It still does in my foggy memory.

As an adult and mother/wife I've tried to find the magic that I felt as a child and teenager.  Christmas is my holiday (okay, All Hallow's Eve is a very close second) and I love every element of it.  But I think I've tried too hard to find that *perfect* Christmas and have always felt a little unsatisfied with the day itself.  For me, the days leading up to and Christmas Eve is the time for magic with anticipation of gift giving and receiving, lights in the city, searching for the right gift, wrapping and creating the right quote for the gift card, and then a quiet evening with family, all lights out except the tree, The Christmas Movie (Alistair Sim's Scrooge when the kids were young and now A Child's Christmas in Wales), the gift from The Spirit of Christmas Past and just a feeling of peace.  The day itself ~ filled with family and friends at dinner, music and chaos....it's a love/hate relationship.  Maybe it's because it's the end of the anticipation; I've always leaned to celebrating the Twelve Days of Christmas up to Twefthnight but that isn't acceptable to friends and family.  This year was just not my Christmas, no family at Christmas Eve, no daughter...just different.  Our son and his partner had Christmas Day dinner and this was just wonderful.  There were kids and wrapping paper flying, family and such good food!  Lovely yet Different.  When we came home the house was so silent, a glass of brandy and to bed.  But I think that's what will be in our future.  Our children are adults and it's time for them to take on the mantle of Christmas magic.  As parents and grandparents we are part of it but as an accesory, a well loved accesory but not quite in charge any more.  We are now the storytellers of past Christmases.

We move on knowing we are loved and needed.